Posts tagged Michael Scott
Posts tagged Michael Scott
I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office.
Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off. And when people noticed, we convinced them that they were crazy. Another time Packer held this guy’s head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it, probably why he wasn’t hired. Once as a joke Packer banged every chick in the office. It’s hysterical.
Michael: Spamster.
Pam: Uh, Pam, plus spam, plus…
Michael: Hamster.
Jim’s been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it’s nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.
You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine. So the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.
Michael: Look, Jim needed a relaxing lunch. He has been depressed, and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work related?
Toby: He seems fine to me.
Michael: You’re not his friend. You don’t know. He is in love with a girl he works with who’s engaged, so just cut me some slack, please.
It’s ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent 80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don’t understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right? I put a cigarette through a friggen quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us.
Michael: What do you like best about Pam?
Jim: Ugh, I really don’t want to talk about it.
Michael: Is it her legs, her boobs, her-
Jim: Um, she’s easy to talk to, I guess. And she’s got a really good sense of humor.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Mhm.
Michael: She never gets any of my jokes.
Jim: What about you?
Michael: Her boobs. Definitely.
Jim: Wow, that’s not what I meant.
Michael: Tell me Dana, how is your chicken breast?
Dana: Oh it’s great. It’s served with our world famous wing sauce.
Michael: Mm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast…hold the chicken.
Michael: Hello Dana. I am Michael, and this is Jim, and we are brothers.
Jim: Nope, we’re not brothers.
